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Sunday, July 18, 2010

Further Suggestions for dealing with anger and conflict

Finally we have come to the end of anger and conflict management. I do hope that someone has found it useful. To end of here are some final tips and suggestions:
The way you typically express anger may take some time to modify. Some extra suggestions include:

 Keep a diary of your anger outbursts, to try and understand how and why you get mad.
 Take regular exercise, go for a run or play a sport. People who are stressed are more likely to experience anger. Numerous worldwide studies have documented that regular exercise can improve mood and reduce stress levels.
 Use the "empty chair" exercise. Pretend you're sitting across from the person you are angry with and say what's on your mind. Who is this person?
 Write a letter to the person you are angry with. You could describe your anger right now, at the time of the anger event. You can destroy it/you can save it/you can mail it at a later date.
 Use positive self-talk, e.g. "I am able to choose my anger style." and "I am angry but I'm not going to let it take over me”.
 Involve an objective third party. Ask someone you trust to be a sounding board. Who might this be?
 Stop thinking about your anger and focus on something positive. The aim is to convert the anger into something more constructive. Different people have different interests or hobbies. Perhaps your feelings can be redirected into one of your hobbies - something creative such as art, music or drumming, dancing, sports, writing, etc.
 If all else fails - thump a cushion, kick a bean bag (DON'T do anything that will hurt yourself or someone else)
 Forgiveness is very important for you to deal with your own anger. Once you have forgiven, you will be free to move forward and deal with your feelings. Do not underestimate the importance of forgiveness.

(Information taken from BUPA’s Health Information Team, 2004)
Remember the following advices:
"Indeed, anger is from the evil and, without doubt, the evil is created from the Fire. Only water can extinguish fire. Therefore, if anyone of you feels the rush of anger. Let him perform ablution”, and “When you feel angry, keep silent.” {Hadeeth of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW)}

The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) has been reported to have said:
“For the person who restrains his anger, Allah will restrain punishment over him on the day of Resurrection”.

“Do not remember past disputes” [Luqmaan (A.S)]

“As long as possible try not to start fights and arguments.”
[Luqmaan (A.S)]

“When you feel angry, keep silent.” {Hadeeth of the Prophet (SAW)}

According to Hazrat Abdullah bin Umar (RA) the messenger of Allah (SAW) said, “To restrain anger in order to please Allah is more excellent in the sight of Allah than to swallow back anything”.

“If anyone of you gets angry and he is standing then, let him sit down. If it subsides, well and good, otherwise he must lie down.” {Hadeeth of the Prophet (SAW)}

“Don’t get angry with anyone in the presence of your guests.” [Luqmaan (A.S.)]

“Speaking without thinking is like shooting without aiming.” (William Gurney Benham)

“Conflict is like fire, it can keep you warm, and can cook your food, but if it gets out of control, it can burn down your house.” (Free to Grow Lifeskills)

“Self-control is the ability to keep it cool when someone is making it hot for you.”

May Allah help us all to deal with anger and conflict in a constructive manner.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Dear Anonymous

    If you're going to put your negative and one-sided comments on my blog then at least please have the decency and the guts to put your name with it, afterall if you're not willing to stand by your ideas and beliefs openly then I wonder how much conviction you really have in what you're saying.

    Also, could you please refrain from using vulgar and disrespectful language, when people of intellect and reason come together to discuss important issues, they do it in a respectful manner.

    Now, to respond to your comment. It is clear that you have not properly researched the religion of Islam and indeed the life of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) and it seems that you have decided to jump on the bandwagon and simply accept the biased comments sold by mass media and those who wish to discredit Islam. If you were to do a proper study of this you would most definitely begin to see things differently, as has happened to many people in the past. However, if you continue to remain stuck with biased and one-sided viewpoints then you will remain blind to the truth and you will continue to harbour anger, resentment and hatred, without even knowing and understanding all the facts.

    What you are using is an age old argument used by people to demean the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace and Blessing be Upon Him) and certainly we have all heard this one before. It’s just surprising that people with the ability to think for themselves are still going on about something without even bothering to find out the truth.

    My advice to you is that instead of filling yourself with so much anger and hatred, and instead of wasting your time posting such vile comments on people’s blogs , take that time to research the truth instead of simply just reiterating age old arguments. Those of us who have being blessed and honoured to know the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) for the great man that he was will not be perturbed by these erroneous accounts of his life because nothing can deter people from the truth once they have being guided by the ultimate Creator.

    May God Most High open your eyes to this truth! I must remind you that even the enemies of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) could not find fault with his character and he was known by all, Muslim and non-Muslim to be truthful and trustworthy. When you do your proper research you will find this out. What do people do when they cannot find fault with someone’s character?
    They try and discredit that person in other ways so that people will lose focus of the truth. Do not remain deceived, find out the truth for yourself!

  3. salamunalaikum.

    Mashallah.That was really interesting,informative and helpful too.

    shukran for sharing this much needed post .

    Your blog will really help out many Muslims across the globe to face up the life challenges with a positive attitude InshAllah.