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The way you typically express anger may take some time to modify. Some extra suggestions include:
Keep a diary of your anger outbursts, to try and understand how and why you get mad.
Take regular exercise, go for a run or play a sport. People who are stressed are more likely to experience anger. Numerous worldwide studies have documented that regular exercise can improve mood and reduce stress levels.
Use the "empty chair" exercise. Pretend you're sitting across from the person you are angry with and say what's on your mind. Who is this person?
Write a letter to the person you are angry with. You could describe your anger right now, at the time of the anger event. You can destroy it/you can save it/you can mail it at a later date.
Use positive self-talk, e.g. "I am able to choose my anger style." and "I am angry but I'm not going to let it take over me”.
Involve an objective third party. Ask someone you trust to be a sounding board. Who might this be?
Stop thinking about your anger and focus on something positive. The aim is to convert the anger into something more constructive. Different people have different interests or hobbies. Perhaps your feelings can be redirected into one of your hobbies - something creative such as art, music or drumming, dancing, sports, writing, etc.
If all else fails - thump a cushion, kick a bean bag (DON'T do anything that will hurt yourself or someone else)
Forgiveness is very important for you to deal with your own anger. Once you have forgiven, you will be free to move forward and deal with your feelings. Do not underestimate the importance of forgiveness.
(Information taken from BUPA’s Health Information Team, 2004)
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Remember the following advices:
"Indeed, anger is from the evil and, without doubt, the evil is created from the Fire. Only water can extinguish fire. Therefore, if anyone of you feels the rush of anger. Let him perform ablution”, and “When you feel angry, keep silent.” {Hadeeth of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW)}
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) has been reported to have said:
“For the person who restrains his anger, Allah will restrain punishment over him on the day of Resurrection”.
“Do not remember past disputes” [Luqmaan (A.S)]
“As long as possible try not to start fights and arguments.”
[Luqmaan (A.S)]
“When you feel angry, keep silent.” {Hadeeth of the Prophet (SAW)}
According to Hazrat Abdullah bin Umar (RA) the messenger of Allah (SAW) said, “To restrain anger in order to please Allah is more excellent in the sight of Allah than to swallow back anything”.
“If anyone of you gets angry and he is standing then, let him sit down. If it subsides, well and good, otherwise he must lie down.” {Hadeeth of the Prophet (SAW)}
“Don’t get angry with anyone in the presence of your guests.” [Luqmaan (A.S.)]
“Speaking without thinking is like shooting without aiming.” (William Gurney Benham)
“Conflict is like fire, it can keep you warm, and can cook your food, but if it gets out of control, it can burn down your house.” (Free to Grow Lifeskills)
“Self-control is the ability to keep it cool when someone is making it hot for you.”
May Allah help us all to deal with anger and conflict in a constructive manner.
