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Friday, June 25, 2010

Communication Style 4- 'The Assertive Communicator'

This is the last style of communication and I've decided to save the best for last. In this style of communication both parties win and there is mutual gain as well as mutual respect, this is something that we should all try and work towards achieving.


 Understands, believes in and accepts own rights.
 Understands, believes in and accepts the rights of others.
 Communicates openly and honestly.
 Respects self and others.
 Likes and feels good about self.
 Communicates with the party concerned.
 Listens and talks.
 Expresses positive and negative feelings.
 Matches verbal and non-verbal behaviour with content of message.
 Voice is steady and firm.
 Tone is modulated, rich and warm.
 Speaks fluently with few awkward pauses.


It fosters fulfilling, deep and intimate relationships. Less preoccupied with self-consciousness, anxiety and less driven by the need for self-protection or control.
 The assertive person can “see”, “hear” and love others more easily.
 Fears and anxieties are reduced. Don’t approach others with fear of being hurt or controlled.
 You live your own life and more of a person’s needs are fulfilled.


 Your life will be disrupted to some extent and you will feel the pain associated with honest and caring confrontation.
 There is a personal struggle involved in changing one’s own habitual behaviours.
 Being authentically yourself can be a painful experience. You need to risk disagreements knowing that some conflict is necessary to build a significant relationship between equals.
 It involves becoming vulnerable in significant relationships.
 It brings you face to face with your true values.
 A lot of willpower is necessary.

Achieving this style of communication takes hard work and practise, but the benefits are many and insha'Allah with a sincere intention, Allah (swt) can make things easy to achieve.

In the next post I plan to put up some practise examples on assertive communication, Insha'Allah!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Change is good for you

So I know that my next post was supposed to be the fourth and final style of communication, but Insha'Allah we'll get to that. For now you would have noticed that the look of this blog has changed. It's actually a long story, sort of, but let's just say after searching relentlessly for a template such as the one I have now, I gave up and settled for the previous one. Then, my sister decides to explore things (don't know if that's good or bad), but anyway, through her exploration she finds that we can change things around at ease, and so it is that I came across a template that I wanted for this blog to start with.

Now although I think it looks much better, it was a little difficult to change because, well, we get stuck on old things don't we? Kind of like life itself. After much contemplation though, and looking at the pro's and con's I decided, what the heck, this change will definitely be for the better, and I'm happy I decided that.

This reminds me of life, how we think that change will complicate our lives, but when we actually accept that change may be better, we may be pleasantly surprised. You see the monotony of life can easily get us down, making us feel depressed even, and somtimes even just a small change in our everyday lives can make a huge difference.

I remember reading a beautiful book; When you hear hoofbeats think of a Zebra. I'm sure some of you have also read it. This book dealt with the same topic and the advice given there was change your routine, even if in small ways, change the way you think, change your expectations about things, because only through chnage can we learn and grow.

So, I hope that you like the changes I've made to this blog, and Insha'Allah it will remind you of the fact that change can bring positivity and light into your life. After all, human beings have the ability to experience so many things, why should we restrict ourselves.

Insha'Allah my next post will go back to communication styles, but for now, remember that change can be good for you, and perhaps this will help you if you're stuck with some old way of dealing with things, whether it's your communication style or how you deal with anger and conflict, or just how you treat others, sometimes, when we change things about ourselves, the results are positive for us and for everyone else around us.

I leave you in peace, May the Almighty continue to shower His Blessings on us all!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Communication Style 3- "The Manipulative Communicator"


 No understanding of and no conviction in belief of own rights.
 No understanding or acceptance of rights of others.
 Unwilling to communicate honestly.
 Indirect communication with party concerned.
 Differing verbal and non-verbal behaviour are obstructive to content of message.
 Voice whining and sing-song.
 Lack energy and vitality.
 Anticipates questions and answers.
 Mistrusts self and others.

 Others tend to comply with their wishes out of guilt or anxiety.
 They are able to satisfy their needs in the short term to a large extent.
 They do not have to reveal their true feelings to others and risk vulnerability.

 People avoid them in the long run.
 They make other people feel bad about themselves, but also resentful of the manipulator.
 They do not ever develop a sense of the legitimacy of their own rights and wants.
 They are not able to share their true feelings with others in an atmosphere of trust and caring.
 They are always afraid of being caught out and rejected as a result.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Communication Style 2- "The Aggressive Communicator"


 Insists that own rights are superior.
 Ignores and violates the rights of others.
 Communicates with inappropriate honesty.
 Overpowers others.
 Non-verbal behaviour overemphasizes verbal content of message.
 Interrupts and talks over others.
 Tone often sarcastic and cold.
 Voice firm, harsh and loud.
 Speaks quickly and fluently with few awkward pauses.
 Almost always win arguments.

Aggression secures the material needs and objects you desire.
 You have a greater capacity for self protection.
 Through domination and control you get your own way.
 You are usually very active in shaping your own destiny.

 Aggression provokes fear. Many people act with aggression because they want to hide their weakness.
 Aggression creates it own opposition and fosters its own destruction.
 Aggression often results in a lack of control. The underdog often gets the best of the aggressor in subtle ways.
 The aggressor tends to suffer from guilt feelings.
 The aggressor is dehumanized.
 People become alienated from the aggressor. It undermines love.
 It creates an unsafe society.