Forgiveness-Part 3

I know that this post has been a long time coming, and I apologise for that, but anyway, here it is, a follow up to the posts on Forgiveness.

I thought it would be nice to start off with some insight into how forgiving we are as individuals so if you'd like to take a quick quiz you can follow the link below and have some fun:

http://www.beliefnet.com/Wellness/Quiz/How-Forgiving-Are-You.aspx

Were your results what you thought they were going to be? Well, if they weren't then you have the chance to do something about it.

Now, we'll move on to the next part of our discussion: In understanding forgiveness we need to know the difference between destructive and constructive emotions, because ultimately this is what makes it easy or stops us from forgiving other people:

Constructive Emotions: These are emotions which bring about positivity, within individuals and between people. Basically, it’s emotions which encourages good and which allow people to feel at peace with themselves and others. Emotions such as love, mercy, care, etc would fall into this category.

Destructive Emotions: These are emotions which bring about negativity. They are emotions which cause harm to individuals as well as between people. These emotions help to break ties between people and only allow for enmity and hatred to foster. Emotions such as anger, jealousy, suspiciousness, annoyance, hatred, paranoia, judgemental, etc. would fall into this category.

EXERCISE

Look at the list of words below and consider a constructive alternative. For e.g. Judgemental can become non-judgemental, hatred can become love, etc.

Anger                                  Jealousy                             Fear

Guilt                                     Shame                                 Worry

Depression                       Confusion                          Annoyed

Suspiciousness               Hysterical                         Frustrated

Judgemental                    Paranoid                            Hatred

How did you find that? Was it easy or difficult to do this? If it was difficult then it seems you are more prone to using destructive emotions. With practice, our destructive emotions can be change to more positive and constructive ones.

Destructive emotions cause self-harm as well as harm to others. People have control over their emotions and we don’t have to keep all the negative feelings within us. Just how we found constructive alternatives in this exercise, we should practise changing our own destructive emotions to constructive emotions. Destructive emotions only fester and become more destructive if we allow it. We have to actively find our destructive emotions and make earnest efforts to deal with it.

It can be likened to a refrigerator. If something in the fridge is off and it gives off a terrible smell, we have to search for what is causing the smell and then remove it from the fridge. If we leave it then the entire fridge will continue to smell and other things will become rotten as well, thus worsening the smell.  Our destructive emotions give off such a terrible smell that they make everything inside us look bad and our good becomes overpowered.

Can you think of any other destructive emotions?  Look inside of yourself and find your own destructive emotions. Are you going to throw them out or hold on to them? Ultimately this choice will be yours.

The Liebster Award

I've received The Liebster Award:

The Liebster Blog Award is given to bloggers who have less than 200 followers, all in the spirit of fostering new connections.

There are some rules that go with this award:

1. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
2. Reveal your top 5 picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
3. Post the award on your blog.
4. Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the blogsphere - other bloggers.
5. And, best of all - have fun and spread the karma.

1. I'd like to than Inspiring Always for this award. This is a new blog, but it really is inspiring as the name says, with a variety of topics and good casues, this is a blog to keep following, it seems that there will be much more inspiration and important reminders coming from here.

2. My Top 5 picks for this award is:

- Karima's Blogs

-Chillies and Lime

-Blessings through trials

- Kattona taivas (A Cap on the sky)

- Stay Blessed

3. I've Just done that;-)

4 and 5- I'll just sit back and relax now, having fun and enjoying the support.

Thanks Inspiring Always and Stay well all.

Forgiveness-Part 2- Three Major reasons which keep people back from forgiveness

1.       Win-win situation

• We are encouraged to worry about looking good in the eyes of others and yet we forget about how we look in the eyes of Allah.
• We are taught that we should always be the winner in all situations and this results in a constant competition between people.
• Coming across as “the loser” is unthinkable in today’s society and through this actions that are good in Islam come to be regarded as bad and vice-versa.

2.     Belief that we are weak if we forgive

• In modern day society there is a reversal of things.
• Things that make us strong according to Islam are regarded as weaknesses in modern day society.
• Islam would rather see the person who humbles himself/ herself as stronger, but in modern day society he/she would be regarded as weak.
• The person who can control his anger, likewise will be regarded as weak, but in Islam we know that this is the stronger person.
• Shaytaan uses our human needs to justify negative actions and to steer us away from what is considered good in the eyes of Allah.

3.     Lack of courage to forgive others

• The only fear that we should have is fear of Allah (swt).
• If we make an intention to do good then Inshaa-Allah things will become easy for us.
• We use our fears to justify our negative actions and behaviours and also to make excuses for ourselves.
• This is just another way to get us away from doing actions that will please Allah (swt).

Inshaa Allah in the next post we will have a questionnaire to see how forgiving you are!

Forgiveness-Part 1- Introduction

It's been a while since I've posted on this blog, but Alhamdullillah I will be starting a new series of posts on a topic that applies to all of us. This is FORGIVENESS. Inshaa-Allah in this series of posts I hope to cover many different aspects of forgiveness and I hope that people will find this to be useful. *********************************************************************

We all know by now that forgiveness is better for ourselves and for the other person/ people involved. Despite this, it’s still very difficult for us to forgive others. There are different reasons for this, but the important point is that shaytaan will work hard to encourage us not to forgive. He will ensure through the different ways that we do not forgive, because this will ultimately lead to a breakdown of relationships and this makes shaytaan very happy.

I really like the following story becuase it reminds us that Forgiveness is actually better for ourselves and we think that we're doing someone else a favour by forgiving, but actually we are doing a huge favour for ourselves.

The Weight of Resentments

Unknown Author

A teacher once told each of her students to bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes to school. For every person they refuse to forgive in their life’s experience, they chose a potato, wrote on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of their bags were quite heavy.

They were then told to carry this bag with them everywhere for one week, putting it beside their bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to their desk at work.

The hassle of lugging this around with them made it clear what a weight they were carrying spiritually, and how they had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget  and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty smelly slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain, resentment and heavy negativity!

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and it clearly is for ourselves!

WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR US TO FORGIVE OTHERS? 

Some reasons include:

-          Anger

-          Hurt

-          Pain

-          Jealousy

-          Pride

-          Arrogance

-          Confusion / misunderstanding

The underlying reason WE DON’T FORGIVE behind all others is PRIDE

• It’s ultimately our pride which makes it difficult for us to forgive the next person.
• Closely related to Pride is a Sense of Self-Importance.
• The Modern world has ensured that people develop a sense of self-importance. While this may be necessary to a certain extent, they’ve taken it to the max and now we find that people have become self-centred and have the tendency to believe that they are over important.
• If someone believes that they are the most important, then they will never be able to accept that someone else has done something to harm them.
• Thus, they will never be able to forgive that person or overlook what they’ve done, because this would injure their self-pride.
• Also closely related to this is a perceived sense of power.
• When we forget that Allah (swt) only has all power and we start thinking that we have power, for whatever reason, then we also will never be able to forgive others.
• When we begin to think about things in terms of what will be best for everyone or what will please Allah (SWT), instead of thinking in terms of our own emotions, then it will become easier for us to forgive others and to let things go.

(May Allah Almighty make it easy for us all and save us from Pride and arrogance).

Hadith:

Musa ibne Imraan (alaihis salaam) said;

“Oh my Rabb! Who is the most respectable slave to you?”

Allah the Almighty and Majestic replied;

“He who forgives, despite having the power to avenge.”

 Hadith:

“You should practise mercy and you will receive mercy. You should forgive others’ faults and you will receive Divine Forgiveness.”

Character Development-Part 3- Making changes to our character

Now that we've looked at both positive and negative character we can begin to focus on making changes in our own character so that we can develop a more positive character.

Make a list of at least five things that you want to improve about your character.

Now next to each of these things write down what changes you will need to make in order to successfully change those negative traits into positive ones.

Here is an example:

What I Would Like To Change

For example: I want to stop being aggressive.

What I Can Do To Change
For example: I will practice self-control, be patient with others, or not speak harshly.

Can you think of any other ways that you can change your character so that it becomes more positive?

Developing positive character starts with making small changes in our lives. There is no point in looking at others and picking on their faults. We all have a responsibilty to change our own lives and better only our own character. Once we start to make small changes in ourselves we will see that it will become easier and naturally we will be inclined to behave in a more positive way. (Inshaa Allah)

Developing a good character takes a lot of work and it is an ongoing effort. At times it can become very difficult. Perseverance and patience is therefore of utmost importance. Only after hard work will we begin to see the benefits, but the work is worth it as we will see that good character helps us to be more at peace, not only with others, but with ourselves as well!

Some of the Material for this post was referenced from: www.peacefulsolution.org/curriculum/.../Parenting-Manual-Lesson-2.pdf