Changing our negative thought processes- Part 1

There’s a branch of psychology that believes that people’s feelings, beliefs and actions, basically what people go through in their lives are shaped by their thought processes. So for instance, if somebody has negative thought processes then the events in their lives will turn out negatively and if somebody has positive thought processes then the events in their lives will be positive.

The model below shows us how this works:

ABC MODEL*

A- ACTIVATING EVENT (events in people’s lives, events that might be distressing or troublesome for them).

 

B- BELIEF SYSTEM (person’s beliefs about the events that occur in their lives).

C- CONSEQUENCE (emotional and behavioural reactions which most of the time are dysfunctional or problematic if the event is experienced as distressing).

Image from: springfieldpubliclibrary.com

We have no control over A, the Activating event, it will happen anyhow, however, our beliefs about events will determine the consequences and therefore if we change our negative beliefs then we will be changing the consequences as well.

Now in some cases we won’t have control over the ultimate consequence (like for example with a terminal illness, but we will have control over the smaller consequences related to this. This sounds like it may be becoming confusing so let me give you an example:

Example:

Safiya just finds out that she has cancer. She believes that this is the end of the world and that she can’t go on living so she ends up staying in bed all day, she remains depressed and she is angry with the people around her, she fights with everyone all the time and she remains lonely and feels terrible and sick all the time.

At the same time, Leila also finds out that she has cancer. Leila believes that this does not change the fact that life is beautiful and she believes that having a disease should not be a means for life to stop because life is more than just about the physical. She decides to live each day to the fullest, she spends as much time as possible with her loved ones, she is joyful and bright all the time as she decided to cherish each moment of her life. She does not believe that her diagnosis is a death sentence because she believes that anybody can die at any time. So Leila remains happy and pleasant, physically she does feel sick but she manages to pick herself up and carry on.

I hope this example helps you to see how our belief systems about events in our lives determine the consequences of what will happen to us after that.

So, if you find that many events in your life are negative, perhaps it will help to look at the beliefs you hold about things that happen to you, and if you start changing those beliefs to more positive ones, then perhaps this will have a direct effect on how things turn out- Insha’Allah.

Self-Reflection Exercise

Think about a recent event that occurred in your life, it can be a big event or a small one. Consider how you reacted to this event/ what the consequences were. Now look back at your belief system about this event and try to see how a change in your beliefs might have changed the consequences of the event. Write down what you come up with, or just think about this.

Practice using this model and see if there are any differences in your life.

Don’t forget that you are more than welcome to share your experiences with us!

Insha’Allah in the post we will take this a little bit further and discuss the B- belief system and how you can change it in some more detail.

Until then, May Allah (SWT) shower His Peace and Blessing on you always!!!

* The reference for this is: Weiten, W. (1995). Psychology: Themes and Variations (3rd edition). California: Brooks/Cole Publishing Co. This can also be found in any other Introduction to Psychology Textbook.

Some Ways of Remaining Positive from the Quraan and Hadeeth- Part 1

The following tips to positive thinking and the tips I will put up in my next post Inshallah, is taken from my book entitled “7 Things To Talk About” * (the reference for this is: Hassem, Z. (2010). 7 Things To Talk About. Kuala Lumpur: A S Noordeen Publishers)


1) Be Content

Contentment brings peace and happiness, if you are content with whatever you have been given and if you are grateful to Allah then Allah will put barakah (blessings) in the things that you have, no matter how little it may be. When you look at those who have more than you do, it only adds to negative feelings and allows for competition and animosity to fester between people.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is reported to have said:

“When one of you sees another who is superior to him in respect of wealth and creation, let him look to him who is below him. That is more proper that you hold not in contempt the favour of Allah towards you” (Bukhari).

If someone is content with whatever they have and with whatever situation they are in then they will remain positive, happy and grateful to Allah.

The Prophet (PBUH) said something to this effect:


“Blessed is one who is guided to Islam, and whose livelihood is just sufficient and who is contented therewith” (Tirmidhi).


2) Regard Hardships As A Form Of Salvation

Muslims are fortunate because of our belief that any hardship we endure in this world will either lessen our sins or serve as a form of reward in the Hereafter. This should make it easier for Muslims to deal with difficult situations and should serve as a form of hope. Allah Almighty says in the Holy Quraan:

“If you are suffering (hardships) then surely, they (too) are suffering (hardships) as you are suffering, but you have a hope from Allah (for the reward, i.e. Paradise) that for which they hope not” (Surah 4: Verse 104)


The Prophet (PBUH) is reported to have said:

“If a Muslim is afflicted with any trouble, continuous pain, anxiety, sorrow, harm, disaster, and even a thorn which he is pierced with- Allah expiates his minor sins therefor” (Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah).


3) Do Good And See Good

An important part of remaining positive is to become involved in good actions or good work. Doing righteous deeds on this earth not only makes one feel good in this world but will also be beneficial in the hereafter. Instead of spending time thinking about situations and feeling sorry for ourselves we should try to get involved in something good. There is so much work that needs to be done in our communities- that none of us have an excuse. Each person can contribute in their own unique way. Allah Almighty promises a great reward for those who do righteous deeds so why are we wasting our time?


“Whoever works righteousness-whether male or female-while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)” (Surah 16: Verse 97).


Another part of remaining positive is to always see the good in others. As was discussed earlier, focusing on the good in others helps to create an environment which is generally more positive. When one person begins to focus on the positive then other people will pick up on this and they too will react positively. This will help to reduce anger and conflict in families and in the community. Suspecting others of doing things is dangerous and might be harmful to you. Allah mentions in the Quraan:


“O you who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible), for suspicion in some cases is a sin” (Surah 49: Verse 12).

It just makes more sense to rather focus on the good in people and ignore the bad because Allah is the Knower of all things and the way of a Muslim is to focus on the good and hide the bad.


“A man who points out the good, is like one who does it” (Tirmidhi)


INSHALLAH I WILL PUT UP ANOTHER THREE TIPS FOR POSITIVE THINKING IN THE NEXT POST! 
 
I HOPE THAT THIS HELPS SOMEONE IN SOME WAY, EVEN IF IT IS IN A SMALL WAY.

 

May Almighty Allah guide us all!

 

 

Image from: mindsetscience.com

Positive Thinking

Some of you might be thinking, “Oh No! Not more on positive thinking, we hear this all the time”. If you are thinking this, I absolutely understand. I mean, it seems that every bookstore is lined with books on positive thinking, one would expect there to be very few negative thinkers around, but the truth is that most people are still very negative in their way of thinking and it is definitely true that our thinking influences our attitudes and in turn our behaviour!

Recently my sister shared with me very interesting insight from a book that she is reading entitled “In the Early Hours- Reflection on Spiritual and Self Development” by Khurram Murad *. A very important thing mentioned in this book was that as Muslims we are supposed to be “ETERNAL OPTIMISTS”. This got me thinking about the hype on positive thinking and I realized that this concept is actually very prevalent within Islamic thinking.


The Prophet (SAW) described the Believers in the following words:


“Amazing is the matter of the believer, for all of his affairs are good to him. If a bounty was bestowed on him, he thanks for it, and this is better for him. If an affliction touches him, he observes patience, and this is better for him, and this is only for the believer” (Muslim).

This is a very beautiful hadith because it describes a very high form of positive thinking, and as it points out, this form of positive thinking has been reserved for the believer only. This form of positive thinking focuses on times of happiness as well as times of affliction, and I’m sure that you will agree that it is very difficult to practise this form of positive thinking on a continuous basis. But, with the right intention and with the guidance of Allah, we all have the ability to achieve this.

So, while general mainstream ideas focus on positive thinking to attain physical or material goals; the Islamic ideal of positive thinking is eternal, because one’s positive thinking, attitudes and behaviour is directly related to his/her relationship with the Creator. This form of positive thinking not only allows the individual to think of him/herself in positive terms, but to also think of all situations in positive terms and more importantly it encourages positive thinking about Allah and it leads to acceptance of what Allah has decreed. In this case, thinking positively will not only bring about peace and contentment in this material world, but it will also lead to positive consequences in the hereafter (Insha’allah Ameen).

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) mentioned that even a smile is charity and this further emphasizes the importance of remaining positive. Since our actions directly influence those around us, if we remain positive, this will automatically help others to be positive as well, but if we are negative, then other people will continue to have a negative outlook in life, and thus ailments such as depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and so on will continue to fester. Islam is a religion which focuses on the well-being of all people, and it is not individualistic. People are taught to be selfless and not selfish and so positive thinking from this perspective has further reaching effects.

The concept of positive thinking is very much a spiritual exercise then, and it is a spiritual exercise which influences the human being on all levels. (In an earlier post we looked at balance and different levels- positive thinking would come into effect on all these levels).


Do the quiz below to find out whether you are an Optimist or a Pessimist:
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DO YOUR CLOUDS HAVE SILVER LININGS?

ASSESSMENT:

Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions:

Do you:

1. Describe a half bottle of water as being half-full rather than half-empty?

2. Enjoy taking risks on a fairly regular basis?

3. Enjoy dreaming about what you might do if you received a lot of money?

4. Go on holiday without booking a hotel beforehand?

5. Feel your motto is to spend today, for tomorrow might never come?

6. Very carefully lock up before going to bed?

7. Feel you are someone who wears rose-tinted glasses?

8. Love getting surprises?

9. Feel that essentially most people are honest?

10. Always have something to look forward to?

11. Feel you sometimes are on a lucky streak?

12. Never feel it just isn’t worth getting up in the morning?

13. Never worry about whether your transport will fail and you will be late for an appointment?

14. Never bother to carry an extra article of clothing “just in case”?

15. Feel surprised when there is a hitch and things don’t work out according to your plan?

16. Feel delighted by the unexpected?

17. Feel things seldom feel hopeless?

18. Feel your future looks inviting?

19. Not care about growing old?

20. Have a hunch that existence will take care of you?
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Key:


If you have answered “yes” to more than 10 of the questions then you are like most people in your outlook-which means that you are balanced.

If you have answered “yes” to more than 16 then you are decidedly optimistic.


If you have answered “no” to more than 16 then you would do well to take stock of why you are so pessimistic and what can be done about it.

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Optimism suggests that we live in the best of all possible worlds, with a tendency to expect the best and see the best in all things. The optimistic person is seen as unusually cheerful and joyous. He or she is highly satisfied with their existence, generally finds life rewarding and is obviously at peace with him-or herself and the world.


By contrast, pessimism expects the worst and sees the worst in all things. The pessimistic outlook suggests that this world is, by its nature, corrupt. Pessimism is often associated with depression, anxiety and low energy. The pessimist is characteristically gloomy and disappointed with his or her existence. For them all clouds are stormy. Pessimists usually have low self esteem, believing that they are unattractive failures.


(Adapted from: Who am I: 101 Ways of Seeing Yourself. By Malcolm Godwin. (2004). United Kingdom: Carroll & Brown Publishers Ltd.)
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If you find that you are more prone to negative thinking- Don’t stress, Insha’Allah you have the ability to become more positive. If you are already a positive thinker, there’s always room for growth, and we are all on a continuous journey.

May Allah guide us all!

Insha’Allah in the next post we will look at some guidelines for positive thinking.

Until then, I leave you in peace, May the Almighty shower His Peace, Blessings and Mercy on every single one of us, Insha’Allah Ameen!
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*The reference for this book is: Murad, K. (2000). In the Early Hours-Reflections on Spiritual and Self Development. United Kingdom: Revival Publucations. (This book is available for download from: http://www.kalamullah.com/)
-Image reference-savethelobsters.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/i...