Character Development-Part 3- Making changes to our character

Now that we've looked at both positive and negative character we can begin to focus on making changes in our own character so that we can develop a more positive character.

Make a list of at least five things that you want to improve about your character.

Now next to each of these things write down what changes you will need to make in order to successfully change those negative traits into positive ones.

Here is an example:

What I Would Like To Change

For example: I want to stop being aggressive.

What I Can Do To Change
For example: I will practice self-control, be patient with others, or not speak harshly.

Can you think of any other ways that you can change your character so that it becomes more positive?

Developing positive character starts with making small changes in our lives. There is no point in looking at others and picking on their faults. We all have a responsibilty to change our own lives and better only our own character. Once we start to make small changes in ourselves we will see that it will become easier and naturally we will be inclined to behave in a more positive way. (Inshaa Allah)

Developing a good character takes a lot of work and it is an ongoing effort. At times it can become very difficult. Perseverance and patience is therefore of utmost importance. Only after hard work will we begin to see the benefits, but the work is worth it as we will see that good character helps us to be more at peace, not only with others, but with ourselves as well!

Some of the Material for this post was referenced from: www.peacefulsolution.org/curriculum/.../Parenting-Manual-Lesson-2.pdf

Character Development- Part-2- Negative Character

What Is A Negative Character?

• Negative character traits define who you are just as clearly as positive traits.

• They too, are a combination of values, environment and experiences. However, unlike positive character traits, negative traits can lead to behaviours that could cause hatred, violence and even wars.

• If you treat someone dishonestly, or show a lack of compassion, you are saying that you do not care about that person. If that person also has a negative character and responds to you in a disrespectful or aggressive way, then you have what is known as a conflict.

• A conflict that exists without a peaceful solution will result in hatred and violence. Here is an example; let’s say someone who is dishonest steals money from someone who is unforgiving. The person who was stolen from will try to retaliate against the one who stole from him. This too, can result in hatred and violence.


Don’t Accentuate The Negative
 K eep in mind that nobody’s character is completely negative and devoid of all positive character traits. Yet, most people do have some negative traits that they need to eliminate from their character.

 For example, someone can be a compassionate person, always looking for ways to help others, but is usually late for most functions and events. Or, he can be an honest person, but very impatient. Do these examples remind you of anyone you know? Do they remind you of yourself?

 Not accentuating negative character traits means first realizing that there are some aspects of your character that need changing, then focusing on doing just the opposite of the behavior you want to change. For example, if you have difficulty being on time, you may try going to bed earlier and setting your alarm clock half an hour earlier than you normally wake up. You might even borrow a few books from the library on time management. The point is to focus on improving your character by eliminating the negative and accentuating the positive.

• We should always try to focus on the positive character traits of other people instead of focusing on the negative.
• When we focus on the negative character traits then we will automatically overlook the positive.
• Focusing on the negative only leads to more negative.
• Sometimes people who are accustomed to displaying negative character traits can change their lives around because of a simple realization that people do see good in them.

Islam teaches us to always focus on the good in others. The beautiful teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) tells us that we should make at least 72 excuses for something negative that the next person has done. The wisdom behind this is that when we make excuses for others, we are actually focusing on their positive instead of higlighting their negative.

Islam further teaches that we should not hate someone because there may be something good that comes from that person.

We cannot get rid of negativity by using negativity!

May the Almighty Allah help us all to get rid of the negative character traits in ourselves first!

Material for this post was referenced from: www.peacefulsolution.org/curriculum/.../Parenting-Manual-Lesson-2.pdf

Character Development-Part-1- Positive Character

I know that I’ve done a post on good character already, but since this topic is such an important one, I’ve decided to focus on it in a little more detail, so Inshaa Allah the next few posts will be on character. Hope that you find this useful.

What is a positive character?
• Our character is made up of many different qualities. They are called character traits.
• Character traits can be either positive or negative based upon your values, what you have been taught, your choices and your experiences.
• The key to having moral character is to develop positive character traits. When you demonstrate these traits on a consistent basis, you will be known as a person of integrity.
• People who have moral character show by their actions and attitude that they care about themselves and others.

How many positive character traits do you recognize in yourself?

How many do you recognize in your family members and friends?


• When you possess these traits you can feel positive about yourself and your ability to interact with others in a meaningful and caring way. In like manner, when people around you exhibit these same positive character traits and treat you accordingly, you feel appreciated and respected. In essence, this is The Peaceful Solution. By simply interacting and communicating using these positive character traits, we can avoid hurting and devaluing each other.

• If you find that you are lacking any of these positive character traits, then work hard to develop them. You can develop a character trait by first valuing it as important. Begin by evaluating why that character trait is important to you as an individual and how it can benefit yourself and others. For example, let’s say you need to develop the character trait of being thankful. The first step is to consider why you should be thankful. Being thankful means you can appreciate what you have. People who are not thankful often feel dissatisfied with what they have and become envious of others. Next, list all the things you have to be thankful for. Don’t forget to include things such as food, clothing, a place to live, your health and so on. Often these things are taken for granted, and we forget to be thankful for them. Then make another list of how being thankful can affect the people you interact with everyday. A thankful person is a bright and optimistic person. He or she encourages and motivates others to be thankful.

• You can use these same steps to develop any character trait that you are lacking. Developing positive character traits takes commitment, dedication and determination. Changing yourself from the inside is not always easy, but is well worth the effort.

Material for this post was referenced from: www.peacefulsolution.org/curriculum/.../Parenting-Manual-Lesson-2.pdf

A person with good character will always be remembered

Since my last blog post was about good character, I decided to add a related story here to make it more interesting and realistic.

When I started thinking about good character, a particular person came to mind. Someone I attended high school with about 13 years ago. Even though it was so long ago, I always remember this particular high school friend of mine as someone with an exceptional moral character. He was someone who was raised in a religious Christian home, and I found it really striking that he would always try to do what was right, even though everyone else around (including some Muslims) couldn’t be bothered about right or wrong. I remember one particular day as a group of us were walking home from school, this boy began speaking to us about his then girlfriend. What he said to me will always remain in my mind because of the important lesson it held. You see, his girlfriend at the time came from a strict family who did not want her having boyfriends, and if she was to meet my friend during school holidays she would have to lie to her parents to do so and he absolutely insisted that he would not have her do that! He said to us that no matter how much he missed her, he would never have her tell lies, and he would not let her disrespect her family! He respected her and her family so much that he was willing to forego his own feelings to do the right thing. The pleasure of seeing his girlfriend was not worth it if she had to tell lies in order to see him. It would have been very easy for him to tell his girlfriend to lie to her parents and to meet him secretly, but he chose the more difficult path, the right path!

Now, people might think that this is a small thing, but because of the respect and honour that this friend of mine had, I will always remember him as a person with great character and even after all these years whenever I think of him I have the utmost respect for him. What’s more, out of all the people I attended high school with, he is someone who has done really well for himself, and I’m thinking this has everything to do with his good character!

The point I’m trying to make is that when people insist on always being truthful and respectful, other people begin to respect and honour them, and the respect continues for years to come. It takes small actions to reveal a person’s true character! Your true character comes through at times when you think other people are not paying much attention to you!

I'm sure that you have your own stories of people with good character, feel free to share them with us, or you can just add your comments below.