Changing our negative thought processes- Part 2

In the last post we looked at changing our negative thoughts and we used the ABC- Model to help us understand how we can change our thoughts.

In this post we will focus a little more on the “B” of the ABC Model.

B- Belief system

Now according to Albert Ellis who put forth this model, “people largely disturb themselves by thinking in a self-defeating, illogical and unrealistic manner.”

He stated that within the B-Belief system people look at situations or events in 2 different ways:

1. Irrational Appraisals are made- or in other words, irrational thought processes or beliefs about a particular event or situation is used.

2. Rational Appraisals are made- or, rational thought processes/ beliefs about an event or situation are made.

When people make irrational appraisals their lives are more likely to be negative and they are more likely to feel the burden of the events in their lives.

On the other hand, when people make rational appraisals, then they are more likely to have positive lives and a positive outlook on the events that happen to them. (Weiten, 2005)

Below is an example to illustrate this:
******************************************************************************************
Scenario A

Activating Event: You are walking down the street and you see a friend but she does not stop to greet you.

Irrational Beliefs: “She is angry at me”, “She’s being gossiping about me”, “She thinks she’s better”... etc.

Possible Consequences: You become angry at her and maybe tell another friend who might in turn tell someone else and if the person in question comes to hear about it, there’s conflict between the two of you, and since the other friends got involved they also become part of the conflict, have to take sides etc.. The gossiping and conflict continues and the friendship bond may even break.

Scenario B

Activating Event: You are walking down the street and you see a friend but she does not stop to greet you.

Rational Beliefs: "Maybe she didn’t see me, she may have been occupied with other thoughts. I should have greeted her instead of waited for her to greet me, It’s a small thing, she usually greets me I am going to let it go"...etc.

Possible Consequences: You remain friends, there is no gossiping, no conflict occurs and you continue having a positive friendship with this person, your friendship with your other friends also remain positive and your life in general is more positive and peaceful.

*****************************************************************************************
In the example above can you see the huge difference that our belief system about certain events can make? This is just one small example, see what happens when you apply this to your life.

Think about your life, are you more commonly making use of Rational or Irrational Belief systems. Think about some recent events in your life and whether your beliefs about these were rational or irrational. Consider how this is impacting on your life. What do you think would happen if you began to make use of rational belief systems more often? Do you think that this will be difficult to do?
It makes sense that we should be using rational beliefs and appraisals of things in our lives as this will help us to be happier and positive individuals.

This fits in with Islamic ideas of positive thinking as well. Suspicion of others is not good at all and we are told in a hadeeth something to the effect that a Muslim should make 72 excuses for his brother before suspecting him of doing things. Islam encourages us to always see the good in every situation and person!

May Allah Almighty make all our difficulties easy and help us to live positive lives!

Changing our negative thought processes- Part 1

There’s a branch of psychology that believes that people’s feelings, beliefs and actions, basically what people go through in their lives are shaped by their thought processes. So for instance, if somebody has negative thought processes then the events in their lives will turn out negatively and if somebody has positive thought processes then the events in their lives will be positive.

The model below shows us how this works:

ABC MODEL*

A- ACTIVATING EVENT (events in people’s lives, events that might be distressing or troublesome for them).

 

B- BELIEF SYSTEM (person’s beliefs about the events that occur in their lives).

C- CONSEQUENCE (emotional and behavioural reactions which most of the time are dysfunctional or problematic if the event is experienced as distressing).

Image from: springfieldpubliclibrary.com

We have no control over A, the Activating event, it will happen anyhow, however, our beliefs about events will determine the consequences and therefore if we change our negative beliefs then we will be changing the consequences as well.

Now in some cases we won’t have control over the ultimate consequence (like for example with a terminal illness, but we will have control over the smaller consequences related to this. This sounds like it may be becoming confusing so let me give you an example:

Example:

Safiya just finds out that she has cancer. She believes that this is the end of the world and that she can’t go on living so she ends up staying in bed all day, she remains depressed and she is angry with the people around her, she fights with everyone all the time and she remains lonely and feels terrible and sick all the time.

At the same time, Leila also finds out that she has cancer. Leila believes that this does not change the fact that life is beautiful and she believes that having a disease should not be a means for life to stop because life is more than just about the physical. She decides to live each day to the fullest, she spends as much time as possible with her loved ones, she is joyful and bright all the time as she decided to cherish each moment of her life. She does not believe that her diagnosis is a death sentence because she believes that anybody can die at any time. So Leila remains happy and pleasant, physically she does feel sick but she manages to pick herself up and carry on.

I hope this example helps you to see how our belief systems about events in our lives determine the consequences of what will happen to us after that.

So, if you find that many events in your life are negative, perhaps it will help to look at the beliefs you hold about things that happen to you, and if you start changing those beliefs to more positive ones, then perhaps this will have a direct effect on how things turn out- Insha’Allah.

Self-Reflection Exercise

Think about a recent event that occurred in your life, it can be a big event or a small one. Consider how you reacted to this event/ what the consequences were. Now look back at your belief system about this event and try to see how a change in your beliefs might have changed the consequences of the event. Write down what you come up with, or just think about this.

Practice using this model and see if there are any differences in your life.

Don’t forget that you are more than welcome to share your experiences with us!

Insha’Allah in the post we will take this a little bit further and discuss the B- belief system and how you can change it in some more detail.

Until then, May Allah (SWT) shower His Peace and Blessing on you always!!!

* The reference for this is: Weiten, W. (1995). Psychology: Themes and Variations (3rd edition). California: Brooks/Cole Publishing Co. This can also be found in any other Introduction to Psychology Textbook.

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

When you change your thinking, you change your beliefs;

 

When you change your beliefs, you change your expectations;

When you change your expectations, you change your attitude;

 

When you change your attitude you change your behaviour;


When you change your behaviour, you change your performance;                      


When you change your performance, YOU CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

(Author Unknown)

Image 1 from: treehugger.com
Image 2 from:vinfolio.com

Some Ways of Remaining Positive from the Quraan and Hadeeth-Part 2

As promised in the last post, here are the three other tipes to remain positive- hope it is useful-Insha'Allah!

4) Have Patience And Perseverance

As mentioned earlier, patience and perseverance are two very important traits to have. These two things will allow a person to be successful in remaining positive and it will also be highly rewarded. Allah tells us this in the Quraan:

“Those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward, without measure” (Surah 39: Verse 10).

Even when it seems like your prayers are not being answered and like things will never get better, patience and perseverance should continue because at some point, when Allah wills, then prayers will be accepted.

The Prophet (PBUH) said: “A person’s supplication will be granted if he does not get impatient, saying, ‘I supplicated (to Allah) but my supplication has not been granted’” (Muslim).

5) Accept Allah’s Will

The Prophet (PBUH) described the Believers in the following words:

“Amazing is the matter of the believer, for all of his affairs are good to him. If a bounty was bestowed on him, he thanks for it, and this is better for him. If an affliction touches him, he observes patience, and this is better for him, and this is only for the believer” (Muslim).

An important element of faith is accepting that Allah knows what is best for us all. We have to remember that Allah has already ordained all that is to occur so accepting Allah’s will only makes it easier for us to deal with things and allows us to remain positive at all times. Since we are not able to comprehend the way in which Allah works, we should accept what Allah wills and that will be better for us. The verses from the Quraan and the Ahadeeth which follow makes it very clear that we should not long for the things that Allah has not bestowed upon us, nor should we be upset if Allah has caused something to happen to us which we did not want to occur.

“No misfortune can happen on earth or in yourselves but is recorded in a Book before we bring it into existence. That is truly easy for Allah. (This is done so that) you are not disheartened over what you may lose, nor feel exultant over what Allah may give you. Allah does not love those who are arrogant and boastful” (Surah 57: Verse 22-23)
“Seek what benefits you, rely on Allah and do not succumb to feebleness. And when an affliction strikes you, do not say, ‘Had I done this, that and that would have happened.’ Rather, say, ‘Allah has decided, and He does whatever He will,’ for ‘if’ opens the door for Satan’s work” (Muslim).

It is related in At-Tirmidhi on the authority of Ibn Abbas (May Allah be Pleased with Him)that the Prophet (PBUH) said: “...and you should know that if the whole nation were to join forces in order to benefit you with something, they would not be able to benefit you , except with something which Allah has decreed for you; and if they were to join forces in order to harm you, they would not harm you, except with something which Allah has decreed for you”.

Another version is: “And you should know that whatever has missed you was not to befall you, and what has befallen you was not to miss you”. (Abu Dawood)

6) Put Your Trust in Allah And Remember That Things Will Get Better
Finally, as we can see in the Quraanic verses and Ahadeeth below, Allah has promised us that after hardship will come ease so all we have to do is put our trust in Allah and have a true belief that things will get better!

“Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest” (Surah 13: Verse 28).

“And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then? He will suffice him” (Surah 65: Verse 3).

“So the fact is that along with every hardship there is also ease. Indeed, with every hardship there is also ease!” (Surah 94: Verse 5-6).

“It may well be that Allah brings about ease after hardship” (Surah 65: Verse 7).

The Prophet (PBUH) said; “When Allah loves a nation, He puts them to the test” (Ahmad)

 

The Prophet (PBUH) said while addressing his companions: “you should know that victory comes with patience, and relief comes after distress, and that with every hardship there is also ease”.

(Taken from: Hassem, Z. (2010). 7 Things To Talk About. Kuala Lumpur: A S Noordeen Publishers.

Some Ways of Remaining Positive from the Quraan and Hadeeth- Part 1

The following tips to positive thinking and the tips I will put up in my next post Inshallah, is taken from my book entitled “7 Things To Talk About” * (the reference for this is: Hassem, Z. (2010). 7 Things To Talk About. Kuala Lumpur: A S Noordeen Publishers)


1) Be Content

Contentment brings peace and happiness, if you are content with whatever you have been given and if you are grateful to Allah then Allah will put barakah (blessings) in the things that you have, no matter how little it may be. When you look at those who have more than you do, it only adds to negative feelings and allows for competition and animosity to fester between people.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is reported to have said:

“When one of you sees another who is superior to him in respect of wealth and creation, let him look to him who is below him. That is more proper that you hold not in contempt the favour of Allah towards you” (Bukhari).

If someone is content with whatever they have and with whatever situation they are in then they will remain positive, happy and grateful to Allah.

The Prophet (PBUH) said something to this effect:


“Blessed is one who is guided to Islam, and whose livelihood is just sufficient and who is contented therewith” (Tirmidhi).


2) Regard Hardships As A Form Of Salvation

Muslims are fortunate because of our belief that any hardship we endure in this world will either lessen our sins or serve as a form of reward in the Hereafter. This should make it easier for Muslims to deal with difficult situations and should serve as a form of hope. Allah Almighty says in the Holy Quraan:

“If you are suffering (hardships) then surely, they (too) are suffering (hardships) as you are suffering, but you have a hope from Allah (for the reward, i.e. Paradise) that for which they hope not” (Surah 4: Verse 104)


The Prophet (PBUH) is reported to have said:

“If a Muslim is afflicted with any trouble, continuous pain, anxiety, sorrow, harm, disaster, and even a thorn which he is pierced with- Allah expiates his minor sins therefor” (Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah).


3) Do Good And See Good

An important part of remaining positive is to become involved in good actions or good work. Doing righteous deeds on this earth not only makes one feel good in this world but will also be beneficial in the hereafter. Instead of spending time thinking about situations and feeling sorry for ourselves we should try to get involved in something good. There is so much work that needs to be done in our communities- that none of us have an excuse. Each person can contribute in their own unique way. Allah Almighty promises a great reward for those who do righteous deeds so why are we wasting our time?


“Whoever works righteousness-whether male or female-while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)” (Surah 16: Verse 97).


Another part of remaining positive is to always see the good in others. As was discussed earlier, focusing on the good in others helps to create an environment which is generally more positive. When one person begins to focus on the positive then other people will pick up on this and they too will react positively. This will help to reduce anger and conflict in families and in the community. Suspecting others of doing things is dangerous and might be harmful to you. Allah mentions in the Quraan:


“O you who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible), for suspicion in some cases is a sin” (Surah 49: Verse 12).

It just makes more sense to rather focus on the good in people and ignore the bad because Allah is the Knower of all things and the way of a Muslim is to focus on the good and hide the bad.


“A man who points out the good, is like one who does it” (Tirmidhi)


INSHALLAH I WILL PUT UP ANOTHER THREE TIPS FOR POSITIVE THINKING IN THE NEXT POST! 
 
I HOPE THAT THIS HELPS SOMEONE IN SOME WAY, EVEN IF IT IS IN A SMALL WAY.

 

May Almighty Allah guide us all!

 

 

Image from: mindsetscience.com