Character Development-Part-1- Positive Character

I know that I’ve done a post on good character already, but since this topic is such an important one, I’ve decided to focus on it in a little more detail, so Inshaa Allah the next few posts will be on character. Hope that you find this useful.

What is a positive character?
• Our character is made up of many different qualities. They are called character traits.
• Character traits can be either positive or negative based upon your values, what you have been taught, your choices and your experiences.
• The key to having moral character is to develop positive character traits. When you demonstrate these traits on a consistent basis, you will be known as a person of integrity.
• People who have moral character show by their actions and attitude that they care about themselves and others.

How many positive character traits do you recognize in yourself?

How many do you recognize in your family members and friends?


• When you possess these traits you can feel positive about yourself and your ability to interact with others in a meaningful and caring way. In like manner, when people around you exhibit these same positive character traits and treat you accordingly, you feel appreciated and respected. In essence, this is The Peaceful Solution. By simply interacting and communicating using these positive character traits, we can avoid hurting and devaluing each other.

• If you find that you are lacking any of these positive character traits, then work hard to develop them. You can develop a character trait by first valuing it as important. Begin by evaluating why that character trait is important to you as an individual and how it can benefit yourself and others. For example, let’s say you need to develop the character trait of being thankful. The first step is to consider why you should be thankful. Being thankful means you can appreciate what you have. People who are not thankful often feel dissatisfied with what they have and become envious of others. Next, list all the things you have to be thankful for. Don’t forget to include things such as food, clothing, a place to live, your health and so on. Often these things are taken for granted, and we forget to be thankful for them. Then make another list of how being thankful can affect the people you interact with everyday. A thankful person is a bright and optimistic person. He or she encourages and motivates others to be thankful.

• You can use these same steps to develop any character trait that you are lacking. Developing positive character traits takes commitment, dedication and determination. Changing yourself from the inside is not always easy, but is well worth the effort.

Material for this post was referenced from: www.peacefulsolution.org/curriculum/.../Parenting-Manual-Lesson-2.pdf

The Inspiration Award

This blog of mine has also received the Inspiration Award from the inspiring rose water. I'd like to thank this lovely sister once again.

Please check out my post about this on my other blog:
http://muslim-women-exposed.blogspot.com/2011/04/inspiration-award-from-truly-inspiring.html

Thank you to all those inspiring bloggers out there, May You Continue To Inspire!!!

Exploring Identity-Part 4- The Media and Identity

The media has a huge role to play in the development of our identities. Of course this depends on how much exposure to the media we have. Nevertheless, the media constantly gives us an idea of how people should look, what they should wear, how they should behave, etc. and we internalise these things and adopt a lot of it as part of our own identities. What's more, if there's something in ourselves that is contrary to the dominant and popular ideas portrayed through the media, then we begin to reject these things as part of our identity, even though it's an important part of who we are.

 Let me give you an example. For instance, say the media places emphasis on people who have straight hair. They advertise "beautiful hair" as been straight. This makes people all over believe thar straight hair is better than curly hair and even though someone might have beautiful curly hair, that person might want their hair to be straight because that's what the media has portrayed. That person will then reject her/his curly hair even though it's a part of who they are. This is just one small silly example, but people do this all the time with many other things. We internalise the ideas portrayed through the media and make that a part of our identity and we end up rejecting the things that really are a part of who we are.

This makes things very dangerous, because people were all created differently and each person has received what is good for them. When we start adopting other things as our identity then we can easily become despondent and unhappy with who we are.

The best thing to do is to gain an understanding of what the media portrays and how that relates to you as an individual, and more importantly as a Muslim. Always have a "filter" on and begin to develop an awareness of the ways in which the media influences your own identity. If there are things you see through the media that make you unhappy with your identity, then perhaps you should consider lessening your exposure to the media.

Let's do a little exercise now:

Take a minute or two and take stock. How much radio do you listen to? How much TV do you watch? How much time do you spend surfing the internet? How much time do you spend reading magazines or newspapers? Think back through an average week in your life and jot down, per day, what your media habits are and how long you spend on these activities. Then add up your total viewing hours for the week and see if it’s what you’d expect.

1. HOW MANY HOURS A DAY DO YOU NORMALLY SPEND WATCHING TV?

2. HOW MANY HOURS A WEEK DO YOU SPEND READING MAGAZINES AND NEWSPAPERS?

3. WHAT ACTIVITY DO YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME DOING:
Reading         watching TV        talking with friends

Listening to the radio     watching movies            going out

Talking with family               outside activities

4. DO YOU TALK ABOUT TV SHOWS TO OTHERS AFTER YOU HAVE SEEN THEM?


5. HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU SPEND ON THE COMPUTER (NOT WORK RELATED)?


THINK ABOUT THE RESULTS THAT YOU RECEIVED HERE!

 ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THE TIME YOU SPEND ON MEDIA RELATED ACTIVITIES?
 WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE AMOUNT OF TIME SPENT ON THESE ACTIVTIES, DO YOU THINK IT CAN HAVE AN INFLUENCE ON YOU?

The more time you are exposed to the media, the more likely it is to have an influence on your identity.

Reference for exercise:
Focus on the Family (2000). No Apologies: The truth about life, love and sex (teachers guide). Hillcrest: South Africa

Exploring Identity-Part 3- Identity and different levels of human functioning

The human being functions on different levels, there are 5 important levels that we function on.

- Spiritual

- Psychological

- Intellectual

- Social

- Physical

All these things are what makes up the whole human being and if we only function on some levels instead of all then we will always feel that something is missing in our lives. The way we perceive ourselves on all these different levels ultimately contributes to our IDENTITY OR SELF-DEFINITION.

1. What is your identity (i.e. how do you see yourself ) on each of the different levels of functioning?

2. Are you happy with your identity, is this a positive identity or a negative one, look at each area and decide.
3. What do you think your identity is based on?


Let's look at an example of how you can do this.
 
For instance you can say, I am a very spiritual person and I am happy with that. Then for the psychological level you might say, I have a certain personality type (I may be introverted, outgoing, perfectionistic, etc.) but I'm not that happy with my identity on a psychological level because it's not that good to be introverted, etc. Then you might say, on a physical level I am very happy with the way I look, (for whatever reasons- you can make a note of your own reasons). On an intellectual level you may think, I need to learn more and study more and I'm not very happy with my identity on an intellectual level. On a social level, you may say... I have lots of friends, I socialise easily, people like me, I am very happy with my identity on a social level.
 
The above is just to give you an idea of what needs to be done when thinking about your own identity on all the different levels. Now you can apply this to your own life and see what your identity is like on all the different levels and whether you are happy with it or not.
 
Rememember, you may be very happy with your identity on some levels and on other levels you may be unhappy with your identity.
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now we will take this a little further:
 
Consider the following:
 
What are the ideas about your identity based on? Are they based on Islamic ideals or something else? 
 
If they are based on something else, what are they based on and why have these other things become important to you?
 
Once you've identified how you feel about your identity on all the different levels, this will help you to understand why you have either a positive or a negative identity.
________________________________________________________________________________________

•  If you have a negative identity on any level, then pay attention to the above questions and perhaps you feel negative about yourself on some levels when those things don't even matter in Islam.
• Allah Almighty made us all differently, and we are all different on all the different levels mentioned above. It doesn't make sense for us to all wish to be the same when Allah (SWT) made us unique.
•  Many times people have a negative self-identity because they do not accept themselves as Allah has made them and they try to be like others.
•  This is also a form of ungratefulness, because we should be thankful to Allah for everything. If we are not good at a certain thing, then surely we will have to be good at something else. For instance, if we are not that good looking, we may be very intelligent, and so forth.
• Allah Almighty has not deprived anyone so we should always be grateful for who we are, exactly how Allah has made us.
• This will help us to always maintain a positive identity on all levels!

 
May The Almighty help us all to recognize the bounties He has given us, to accept ourselves the way we are, to only strive to better ourselves in ways that please our Creator, Allah and to always be happy with our identities! Insha'Allah Ameen!

Exploring Identity- Part 2- Identity and Social Groups

Tajfel and Turner (in Wetherell, 1996) suggests that people’s sense of themselves transforms in group settings. First of all, the base of people’s self-definition changes and personal identity gives way to social identity. They argue that in many situations we react to others in terms of our identity as a unique individual with a particular personality, likes and dislikes, skills and talents, attitudes and opinions. This self definition can continue into groups and may be dominant if we strongly disagree with the group, the flipside is that we can begin to perceive ourselves as a member of a social group and we then take on the characteristics of that group, allowing our own personal characteristics to take a back seat. In short, they are asserting that if an individual agrees with and identifies with the group, then the group identity becomes more important than their personal identity. However, in some cases, even if people disagree with the group, they might not be strong enough to stand up against the group and thus their personal identity will still be overridden by the group identity. As we label ourselves as a member of a particular group, our sense of who we are and what we are like as an individual changes. (Wetherell, 1996:33-35)

When a person begins to categorize her/himself in terms of a group, then their self-esteem becomes bound up with the fortune of the group. Tafjel and Turner also suggest that in order for people to think well of themselves, they then need to have a positive view of the group that they are identifying with. In sum, the person’s self-perception and how he/she feels about themselves is directly linked to what is happening in the group. Personal identity is overshadowed by group identity in many cases. (Wetherell, 1996:34)

The influence of a group on a person’s self concept may not necessarily be a bad thing. Obviously a part of life is for people to belong to different social groups. If we become afraid that social groups will override our personal ideas of the self then we will end up living in isolation. It is important to hold on to your own idea of your self and to use this positively within a group. The group, while contributing to your selfhood should not be the sole means of your selfhood.

We can see an example of how groups can negatively influence people’s ideas and perceptions of the self when we look at how teenagers are influenced into doing things that they don’t really want to do just because of peer pressure. In the case of experimenting with drugs for instance, many teenagers find it difficult to remain strong in their own beliefs and ideas about drugs and they easily give in to what is expected from them by their social group. On the other hand, there are many cases where social groups can play a positive influence on a person’s self perception and self-esteem.

Exercise
Make a list of the various social groups to which you belong. This can include things like, political groups, sports clubs, religious group, parent’s association, professional association, cultural group, book club, women’s group, work group, etc…basically any social group that you can think of, if you are not sure if a group can be regarded as a social group then you can put it in anyway.

Now think about and answer the following questions:

1. Was it easy or difficult for you to write down the social groups that you belong to?
2. How aware are you of belonging to this group, that is, does belonging to this group play a big part or small part in your life?
3. How do you think the different groups effect the way you see yourself?
4. Was there any time, in any of the groups that your personal identity was overshadowed by the group identity, if yes, what do you think the reasons for this are?
5. Have you ever experienced any conflict in any of the groups because the group ideas and beliefs clashed with your personal ideas and beliefs, if yes, what did you do in this situation?

Reference for this post: Wetherell, M. (1996). Identities, Groups and Social Issues. London: Sage

Publications Ltd.