Dealing with “The What Will People Say Phenomenon”

In my opinion, people will have much more peace and tranquillity in their lives if they stop worrying about what other people will have to say. I mean, seriously, think about this for a while, how much time do we spend pondering about others opinions of us; how we dress, how we look, whether we’ve picked up weight, or lost weight; how we behave, our likes and dislikes, all these things are shaped by what we think others will say about us. Now, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t care about other people, but what I am saying is that when other people’s opinions of us have a negative impact on us, then this becomes a problem.

Too often have I seen people making difficult situations even more difficult by talking about the people concerned. This is not only very bad, because Allah does not like gossiping, (and yes, that’s what it is, no matter how much we may think we’re talking because we care), but this also puts additional pressure on someone who is already going through a tough time.

Nonetheless, since it’s extremely difficult to change a whole society of people, we should focus on trying to change ourselves and then slowly the changes we have made, will begin to rub off onto others, Inshallah!

So, here are some tips to dealing with what I have called, “The What Will People Say Phenomenon”.

1. Adopt a Don’t Care Attitude- Now as Muslims we are told that the opinion of Allah Almighty matters first. So instead of thinking “what are people going to say”, we should be thinking; “what is Allah thinking of me”. Once we begin to focus on Allah as our driving force, then it will become easy for us to stop caring about what other people have to say about us. This may be difficult to achieve because it’s human nature for us to want to fit in with others, and really, NO ONE LIKES TO BE INSULTED BY OTHERS! But we constantly have to remind ourselves of the insults, attacks and gossip aimed at our Beloved Prophet Muhammd (PBUH) and since Allah Almighty loved him more than anyone, it didn’t matter what people had to say at all!

So the next time you begin to consider what other people will say, first ask yourself “what
will Allah say?”, and then ask yourself, “what would our Prophet (PBUH) have done in a similar situation?” Inshallah then it will become easier for us to adopt a don’t care attitude and we will easily become unperturbed by others opinions of us.

2. Develop Empathy- “Empathy” is basically walking in someone else’s shoes, making attempts to look at life through another person’s eye’s. This is a wonderful skill to have because it helps you to understand people and situations better. In the case of “the what will people say phenomenon”, this can work both ways. – a) If someone is talking about you, take time out to empathize with that person. You are most likely to find that what you thought the person’s reasons for talking was, is actually very different and this will help you to deal with the situation much more effectively. B) If you are the one talking about someone else, think about what it would be like if you were that person, and how you might have felt if people were saying things about you, this will really make you stop talking and you may even find yourself wanting to help the person you were talking about.

3. It’s all about perception- I’d like to argue that as humans we are not subjected to the absolute truth, all we know is our perception of the truth. So each person has their own perception of what they regard as the truth. So, this goes back to tip no.1 again, because only Allah Almighty knows the real truth. Instead of becoming upset about what other people are saying, remember, whatever someone says or thinks about you, it’s really only their own perception. Another person will have a very different perception.

4. Forget the negative and focus on the positive- there are always going to be people who send out negative vibes, or who have negative things to say about you. But, in the same way, there’s always going to be someone who sees the positive in you. It doesn’t matter if a thousand people are seeing the negative, if even 1 person sees the positive, then that means that there has to be some good in you. Once you begin to focus on that positive, you will become more positive, and then the way in which you react to others will change and before you know it, the negative will decrease and the positive will increase- Inshallah!

5. Question yourself constantly- Here I’m talking about accountability for your own actions. Nobody is perfect and sometimes when people say bad things about us; it may really be the truth! So what we have to do is constantly question ourselves and reflect on our lives. If the negative things people are saying about you is false, then you have nothing to worry about and then you can follow the steps above. But, if what people are saying is actually true then it may be time for you to make some changes in your life, not so that people can stop talking, not to please people, but so that you can become a better person, thereby pleasing Allah (SWT)!


I hope that these 5 steps can help you to deal with this better. Please remember that it takes time to change the way we have been doing things, and when we decide to make positive changes in our lives, we are faced with many more challenges. Don’t become despondent; Allah may want to test us to see if we are truly sincere.


Remember what Allah says in the Qur’an :
“So the fact is that along with every hardship there is also ease. Indeed, with every hardship there is also ease!” (The Holy Qur’aan- Surah 94: Verse 5-6).

May Allah (SWT) make it easy for us all to attain peace and tranquillity and to adopt the beautiful mannerisms of our Beloved and Noble Prophet (PBUH).

Until next time, I leave you in peace, May Allah be with you always and shower His Peace and Blessings on you!

As always, feel free to leave your comments, suggestions, opinions, and so and so forth.

What will people say?

The chit and the chatter never ends,
And who cares about what message that sends,
Stories get spread like wildfire,
As we speak and speak to our hearts desire.

What will people say?
How can I show my face today?
How will it look;
If my stories are told to everyone, like it is in a book.

My friends can’t possibly know,
That’s why I have to put up a show.
What will I do if my neighbours see?
It will change how they think of me.

Oh! The scandal will be unbearable,
There’s no cure for it, no magic pill.
Once people begin to talk about you,
It doesn’t matter what is false and what is true.

But, wait just a second! We seem to be forgetting something.
Clearly there’s something wrong with this picture,
What is the message we get in our Scripture?
The first opinion that matters is that of the Supreme Being!

So, what are we making a fuss about?
When our Creator sees everything, without any doubt!

The next time you worry about what people will say,
Take a moment to ponder about the Last day.
Think about what you will say,
When asked who you cared about most, during this short stay!


Dealing with the "what will people say phenomenon" to follow in the next post inshallah!

Self-Reflection

“A LOVING PERSON LIVES IN A LOVING WORLD, A HOSTILE PERSON LIVES IN A HOSTILE WORLD: EVERYONE YOU MEET IS YOUR MIRROR” (Ken Keyes,Jr.)

The Mirror

One day Abu Jahl came to the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him), and said; “You have the most ugly face in Bani Hashim.” Abu Jahl was the chief from Quraysh who showed the most hatred of Islam.

The Prophet (PBUH) said; “You speak the truth.”

Soon afterwards Sayyiduna Umar (may Allah be pleased with him), came in and remarked, “O! Prophet of Allah, your face shines like the brilliant sun.”

The Prophet (PBUH), gave the same reply; “You speak the truth.”

A Companion of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), who was sitting nearby, asked, “How can it be possible, Prophet of Allah , that both these opposite remarks are true?”

The Prophet (PBUH) replied, “I am like a shining, reflective mirror, everyone sees his own face in me.”

(Taken from- "Tales from Rumi" (1997), London: Ta-Ha Publishers).


What would your reflection show about you?

Do you think that you are happy with this reflection?

Imagine that everything you see around you-the character of your family and friends, the experiences you encounter, etc-is a mirror of your consciousness. Notice what you like and what you don’t like. Do this until you feel you are getting to know your reflection.

Write down what you intend to change and what you intend to continue.

Living A Balanced Life-Part 2-Balancing the Different Levels

In the previous post we focused on achieving inner and outer balance. I hope that this was useful for people and helped to get you to start thinking about your own life.

Balance between different levels can further be broken down.

Within the socio-psychological paradigm 5 different levels of human functioning have been identified. These are as follows:

SPIRITUAL

PSYCHOLOGICAL

SOCIAL

INTELLECTUAL

PHYSICAL

Think about these levels for a while- Place them in order of preference for you, i.e. which level do you think should be the most important, then which one would follow, and so on.

A good balance between these levels is important, but the importance placed on each level will directly influence your life as well. It will determine what becomes more important for you and what is less important. For instance, if you choose the Intellectual level as your most important and for example the spiritual as your least important then you will find that you most probably have a life which is intellectually rich, (you will read a lot, your knowledge and understanding about things will be vast etc), but you will be lacking on a spiritual level. This is just an example; you can make sense of your own life once you’ve understood the importance of the different levels for you. All of the levels cannot occupy the same space in your life, but how and why you choose the levels will have a direct impact on your life.

Maulana Fazlur Rahman Ansari also discussed this concept along very, very similar lines when he spoke about knowledge of the self.*

According to this he has stated that The Holy Qur’an speaks of a system of values. Every culture is based on a particular arrangement of values. The human personality has 5 levels of consciousness and therefore 5 values which correspond to these levels. These are as follows:

SPIRITIUAL (consciousness of a Transcendental Being)

AESTHETICAL

INTELLECTUAL

MORAL

PHYSICAL

He went on to say that people are sometimes only aware of some of these 5 values, thus the value system is imperfect, and the culture that emerges is also flawed. Or, people may know about the 5 values, but the order may be incorrect. Maulana Ansari argues that a system which places more value on lower levels than on higher levels is problematic. He states that the Qur’an and hadith are absolutely clear about values.

Maulana Ansari quotes the following Quraanic verse in support of his argument:

“Those who are honoured by Allah who cultivate iman and who cultivate ilm (knowledge)” (Surah 58: verse 11).

So, according to this argument, the higher levels should be the ones associated with cultivating iman (faith) and knowledge.

Now, if you go back to the order you first placed the levels in and reflect upon this, what do you see?
Does it fit in with this Islamic view of the self or have you somehow managed to place emphasis on other, less important levels of functioning?

Once you begin to understand how your ideas, attitudes and choices are all interlinked and they determine the balance as well as the value of your life, then things in your life will begin to make more sense to you.

If you’ve found that all this time you have been placing emphasis on the lower levels instead of the higher levels, then don’t become despondent, it is never too late to make crucial changes to your life. You are fortunate that you have now received information and knowledge about these things and now you can use it to live a better, more fulfilled life.

I hope that this helps encourage and not discourage anyone.

Remember always that Allah (SWT) is the Greatest, the Most Merciful and the Most Kind. Put your trust in Allah and you will find even the greatest of challenges will become easy.

Until next time, May Allah’s Peace and Blessings continuously be showered upon you!


*The reference for this is; Maulana Fazlur Rahman Ansari – Lectures in South Africa 1970 & 1972, ‘Islam to the Modern Mind’, (2002), Edited by, M.Kriel & Y.Mohamed. Hidden Treasure Press: Paarl South Africa.

Living A Balanced Life-Part 1-Inner and Outer Balance

Within the psychological paradigm emphasis is placed on the human being as a holistic being. This means that people function on different levels, and when there is an illness or other disturbance then the problem could exist on more than one level. In fact, these days, the “Mind-Body” connection is becoming increasingly recognized in all disciplines, not only psychology.


In the teachings of Hadhrat Maulana Maseehullah Khan, we learn about the constitution of a person from an Islamic perspective.*

According to this a person is made up of two fundamental components:

1. The first component is visible and easily recognized- this is the BODY. This component is called the SOORAT.
2. The second component is not visible, nor is it physical and it has no external form. It has an internal form. This is the PERSONALITY OR CHARACTER and is called SEERAT.

Body- For the body to be functional it must be healthy and well groomed. Balance in physical activities is also important for the body to function properly.

Personality- for the personality to function normally, it must also be healthy (free from bad qualities and enriched with good qualities). It must also be well-balanced. Refinement of character imbues one’s personality with radiance, making it beautiful.


From this we can see that there has to be a good balance between the physical body and the metaphysical personality. If we spend all of our time focusing on bettering ourselves physically while our personality is lacking, then we will not have a fulfilled life. At the same time, however, if we completely ignore our physical selves and only focus on the metaphysical, then this too will have negative consequences.

These two are inter-related. When you feel good on one level then automatically you will begin to feel good on the other level as well.

These days there is an over-emphasis on physical perfection. Weight-loss programmes, physical fitness, exercise gyms, beauty products, even shampoo and soap advertisements emphasize the importance of perfecting the physical. The result is that people spend so much time and effort on this one level that they forget that there is more to the human being and although they may be feeling and looking great physically, the other components of the human being is neglected and people still cannot achieve real happiness and peace.


The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said something to this effect; “successful indeed is the person who is sincere in faith, whose heart is pure, whose speech is truthful and whose character is upright”.

“Oh Allah you have made my outer (physical) good, make my inner character good as well”. (Translation of prayer when looking in the mirror taught by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).


Self-reflection

According to what you’ve just read, how balanced is your life?

Do you pay more attention to the outer/physical or the inner/metaphysical?

What do you think you can do to try and achieve more balance in your life according to the discussion above?


Leave your comments, add your suggestions, share your thoughts and experiences with regards to this…


Inshallah in Part 2 of ‘Living a Balanced Life’ we’ll look a little more at the specific levels a human being functions on.


Until then, May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon you

*The reference for the book used here is : Compiled from the Teachings of Hadhrat Maulana Maseehullah Khan Saheb, Good Character, 1997. Adam Publishers: Delhi.