I thought it would be nice to start off with some insight into how forgiving we are as individuals so if you'd like to take a quick quiz you can follow the link below and have some fun:
http://www.beliefnet.com/Wellness/Quiz/How-Forgiving-Are-You.aspx
Were your results what you thought they were going to be? Well, if they weren't then you have the chance to do something about it.
Now, we'll move on to the next part of our discussion: In understanding forgiveness we need to know the difference between destructive and constructive emotions, because ultimately this is what makes it easy or stops us from forgiving other people:
Constructive Emotions: These are emotions which bring about positivity, within individuals and between people. Basically, it’s emotions which encourages good and which allow people to feel at peace with themselves and others. Emotions such as love, mercy, care, etc would fall into this category.
Destructive Emotions: These are emotions which bring about negativity. They are emotions which cause harm to individuals as well as between people. These emotions help to break ties between people and only allow for enmity and hatred to foster. Emotions such as anger, jealousy, suspiciousness, annoyance, hatred, paranoia, judgemental, etc. would fall into this category.
EXERCISE
Look at the list of words below and consider a constructive alternative. For e.g. Judgemental can become non-judgemental, hatred can become love, etc.
Look at the list of words below and consider a constructive alternative. For e.g. Judgemental can become non-judgemental, hatred can become love, etc.
Anger Jealousy Fear
Guilt Shame Worry
Depression Confusion Annoyed
Suspiciousness Hysterical Frustrated
Judgemental Paranoid Hatred
How did you find that? Was it easy or difficult to do this? If it was difficult then it seems you are more prone to using destructive emotions. With practice, our destructive emotions can be change to more positive and constructive ones.
Destructive emotions cause self-harm as well as harm to others. People have control over their emotions and we don’t have to keep all the negative feelings within us. Just how we found constructive alternatives in this exercise, we should practise changing our own destructive emotions to constructive emotions. Destructive emotions only fester and become more destructive if we allow it. We have to actively find our destructive emotions and make earnest efforts to deal with it.
It can be likened to a refrigerator. If something in the fridge is off and it gives off a terrible smell, we have to search for what is causing the smell and then remove it from the fridge. If we leave it then the entire fridge will continue to smell and other things will become rotten as well, thus worsening the smell. Our destructive emotions give off such a terrible smell that they make everything inside us look bad and our good becomes overpowered.
Can you think of any other destructive emotions? Look inside of yourself and find your own destructive emotions. Are you going to throw them out or hold on to them? Ultimately this choice will be yours.
