Character Development- Part-2- Negative Character

What Is A Negative Character?

• Negative character traits define who you are just as clearly as positive traits.

• They too, are a combination of values, environment and experiences. However, unlike positive character traits, negative traits can lead to behaviours that could cause hatred, violence and even wars.

• If you treat someone dishonestly, or show a lack of compassion, you are saying that you do not care about that person. If that person also has a negative character and responds to you in a disrespectful or aggressive way, then you have what is known as a conflict.

• A conflict that exists without a peaceful solution will result in hatred and violence. Here is an example; let’s say someone who is dishonest steals money from someone who is unforgiving. The person who was stolen from will try to retaliate against the one who stole from him. This too, can result in hatred and violence.


Don’t Accentuate The Negative
 K eep in mind that nobody’s character is completely negative and devoid of all positive character traits. Yet, most people do have some negative traits that they need to eliminate from their character.

 For example, someone can be a compassionate person, always looking for ways to help others, but is usually late for most functions and events. Or, he can be an honest person, but very impatient. Do these examples remind you of anyone you know? Do they remind you of yourself?

 Not accentuating negative character traits means first realizing that there are some aspects of your character that need changing, then focusing on doing just the opposite of the behavior you want to change. For example, if you have difficulty being on time, you may try going to bed earlier and setting your alarm clock half an hour earlier than you normally wake up. You might even borrow a few books from the library on time management. The point is to focus on improving your character by eliminating the negative and accentuating the positive.

• We should always try to focus on the positive character traits of other people instead of focusing on the negative.
• When we focus on the negative character traits then we will automatically overlook the positive.
• Focusing on the negative only leads to more negative.
• Sometimes people who are accustomed to displaying negative character traits can change their lives around because of a simple realization that people do see good in them.

Islam teaches us to always focus on the good in others. The beautiful teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) tells us that we should make at least 72 excuses for something negative that the next person has done. The wisdom behind this is that when we make excuses for others, we are actually focusing on their positive instead of higlighting their negative.

Islam further teaches that we should not hate someone because there may be something good that comes from that person.

We cannot get rid of negativity by using negativity!

May the Almighty Allah help us all to get rid of the negative character traits in ourselves first!

Material for this post was referenced from: www.peacefulsolution.org/curriculum/.../Parenting-Manual-Lesson-2.pdf

Character Development-Part-1- Positive Character

I know that I’ve done a post on good character already, but since this topic is such an important one, I’ve decided to focus on it in a little more detail, so Inshaa Allah the next few posts will be on character. Hope that you find this useful.

What is a positive character?
• Our character is made up of many different qualities. They are called character traits.
• Character traits can be either positive or negative based upon your values, what you have been taught, your choices and your experiences.
• The key to having moral character is to develop positive character traits. When you demonstrate these traits on a consistent basis, you will be known as a person of integrity.
• People who have moral character show by their actions and attitude that they care about themselves and others.

How many positive character traits do you recognize in yourself?

How many do you recognize in your family members and friends?


• When you possess these traits you can feel positive about yourself and your ability to interact with others in a meaningful and caring way. In like manner, when people around you exhibit these same positive character traits and treat you accordingly, you feel appreciated and respected. In essence, this is The Peaceful Solution. By simply interacting and communicating using these positive character traits, we can avoid hurting and devaluing each other.

• If you find that you are lacking any of these positive character traits, then work hard to develop them. You can develop a character trait by first valuing it as important. Begin by evaluating why that character trait is important to you as an individual and how it can benefit yourself and others. For example, let’s say you need to develop the character trait of being thankful. The first step is to consider why you should be thankful. Being thankful means you can appreciate what you have. People who are not thankful often feel dissatisfied with what they have and become envious of others. Next, list all the things you have to be thankful for. Don’t forget to include things such as food, clothing, a place to live, your health and so on. Often these things are taken for granted, and we forget to be thankful for them. Then make another list of how being thankful can affect the people you interact with everyday. A thankful person is a bright and optimistic person. He or she encourages and motivates others to be thankful.

• You can use these same steps to develop any character trait that you are lacking. Developing positive character traits takes commitment, dedication and determination. Changing yourself from the inside is not always easy, but is well worth the effort.

Material for this post was referenced from: www.peacefulsolution.org/curriculum/.../Parenting-Manual-Lesson-2.pdf

The Inspiration Award

This blog of mine has also received the Inspiration Award from the inspiring rose water. I'd like to thank this lovely sister once again.

Please check out my post about this on my other blog:
http://muslim-women-exposed.blogspot.com/2011/04/inspiration-award-from-truly-inspiring.html

Thank you to all those inspiring bloggers out there, May You Continue To Inspire!!!

Exploring Identity-Part 4- The Media and Identity

The media has a huge role to play in the development of our identities. Of course this depends on how much exposure to the media we have. Nevertheless, the media constantly gives us an idea of how people should look, what they should wear, how they should behave, etc. and we internalise these things and adopt a lot of it as part of our own identities. What's more, if there's something in ourselves that is contrary to the dominant and popular ideas portrayed through the media, then we begin to reject these things as part of our identity, even though it's an important part of who we are.

 Let me give you an example. For instance, say the media places emphasis on people who have straight hair. They advertise "beautiful hair" as been straight. This makes people all over believe thar straight hair is better than curly hair and even though someone might have beautiful curly hair, that person might want their hair to be straight because that's what the media has portrayed. That person will then reject her/his curly hair even though it's a part of who they are. This is just one small silly example, but people do this all the time with many other things. We internalise the ideas portrayed through the media and make that a part of our identity and we end up rejecting the things that really are a part of who we are.

This makes things very dangerous, because people were all created differently and each person has received what is good for them. When we start adopting other things as our identity then we can easily become despondent and unhappy with who we are.

The best thing to do is to gain an understanding of what the media portrays and how that relates to you as an individual, and more importantly as a Muslim. Always have a "filter" on and begin to develop an awareness of the ways in which the media influences your own identity. If there are things you see through the media that make you unhappy with your identity, then perhaps you should consider lessening your exposure to the media.

Let's do a little exercise now:

Take a minute or two and take stock. How much radio do you listen to? How much TV do you watch? How much time do you spend surfing the internet? How much time do you spend reading magazines or newspapers? Think back through an average week in your life and jot down, per day, what your media habits are and how long you spend on these activities. Then add up your total viewing hours for the week and see if it’s what you’d expect.

1. HOW MANY HOURS A DAY DO YOU NORMALLY SPEND WATCHING TV?

2. HOW MANY HOURS A WEEK DO YOU SPEND READING MAGAZINES AND NEWSPAPERS?

3. WHAT ACTIVITY DO YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME DOING:
Reading         watching TV        talking with friends

Listening to the radio     watching movies            going out

Talking with family               outside activities

4. DO YOU TALK ABOUT TV SHOWS TO OTHERS AFTER YOU HAVE SEEN THEM?


5. HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU SPEND ON THE COMPUTER (NOT WORK RELATED)?


THINK ABOUT THE RESULTS THAT YOU RECEIVED HERE!

 ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THE TIME YOU SPEND ON MEDIA RELATED ACTIVITIES?
 WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE AMOUNT OF TIME SPENT ON THESE ACTIVTIES, DO YOU THINK IT CAN HAVE AN INFLUENCE ON YOU?

The more time you are exposed to the media, the more likely it is to have an influence on your identity.

Reference for exercise:
Focus on the Family (2000). No Apologies: The truth about life, love and sex (teachers guide). Hillcrest: South Africa